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| | Public Enemy - Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos | ] | I'm turning 19 tomorrow. Wow...19 years goes by kinda quickly...it was pretty fucking g-nar. That's all I can say. Last year of being a teenager, as Sabrina said. Kinda interesting actually. It's going to be a good year I think. So Ryan basically told his parents everything. They got pissed, well mainly his mom, his dad didn't really care too much. He did it to come clean, feel like he wasn't lying all the time, and so that he can have a few months break. I don't know if telling his mom was the best idea, but he did, so that's the way it is. I finished revising my essay on "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place" by Ernest Hemingway which I will post in this entry. I'm really happy about it actually. It's a great story and I think I have a really good essay here. I got a B on my second math test which made sense since I didn't really keep up with the homework too well. I didn't have sociology class yesterday because Professor Adelson is Jewish and it was Roshana, which is the Jewish new year, if you didn't know. Lately I've been listening to a lot of Public Enemy and shoegaze. Public Enemy's album "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back" is really, really good. It's one of my favorite rap/hip hop albums now. Taylor Parker jacked a Bone Thugs Greatest Hits album out of someone's car at the square, gave it to Ryan, who gave it to me. It's kinda awesome. The song "Foe the Love of $" is ridiculous and Eazy-E's verse is so fucking g. There is a song on the second cd entitled "Home" on which Bone Thugs collaberates with Phil Collins. That's right, Phil fucking GENESIS Collins. What the...fuck! It's the weirdest shit ever. Phil sings the verses in his Disney-ass-shit voice. Hilarious. But, that's basically everything that's happened recently. Here's my final essay:
Nothing In Ernest Hemingway’s short story “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place”, Hemingway depicts the contrasting perspectives of two waiters, one younger and one older. With little exposition, other than that the story takes place in a café in Spain, we as readers are placed into almost what seems to be the middle of a scene. Hemingway uses three characters; the younger waiter, the older waiter, and the old man at the café, to evaluate one another and show the differing opinions about life that come with age and experience. Hemingway uses the waiters to judge the old man. The young waiter attacks the old man saying, “An old man is a nasty thing”, while the older waiter defends him saying, “Not always. This old man is clean. He drinks without spilling. Even now, drunk. Look at him” (275). When the old man leaves the bar, being turned down after asking for another drink (Likely by the young waiter), he was “walking unsteadily, but with dignity” (274). This portrays Hemingway’s feelings about drinking, more specifically that one can be a drunk and still retain one’s dignity. The old man exemplifies this by drinking without spilling, respecting the waiter’s wishes for him to leave, leaving a tip, and walking steadily and upright down the street on his way home. The older waiter can sympathize with the old man knowing that he will be him someday, while the younger waiter is ignorant and overly-confident and wishes that he would “have killed himself last week” (274). Some believe that confidence is an illusion of youth. This was probably a belief that Hemingway held and is illustrated when the young waiter states, “I have confidence. I am all confidence”, to which the older waiter replies, “I have never had confidence and I am not young” (276). This part of their conversation begins with the older waiter making a joke about the younger waiter’s wife: “And you? You have no fear of going home before the usual hour?” to which the younger waiter becomes defensive and replies, “Are you trying to insult me?” (276). The older waiter assures him that he was only joking. This conversation shows that the younger waiter doesn’t really have confidence and that the older waiter knows this. That is why he says that he never had any and that he is not young. The significance of saying that he is not young is that it validates Hemingway’s assertion that youth creates an illusion of confidence. The café plays perhaps the most important role in the story. To the three characters, the café holds a different meaning and purpose in their lives. The younger waiter takes the café for granted, not fully understanding the purpose it plays in society or the feelings of the other two characters about it. In his conversation with the older waiter, he says, “Hombre, there are bodegas open all night long”, in reply to the older waiter speaking of his want to keep the café open later for all the people who need it (277). The narrator comments, “He disliked bars and bodegas. A clean, well-lighted café was a very different thing. (278)” This demonstrates that the older waiter’s opinion about the café. The café is all he has. It is a place of refuge for him. A place where he can spend his time productively and give others what little he has to offer. He knows that drinking by yourself at home is too depressing and if you are out at a café all night you succeed in escaping the loneliness and nothingness that is all around you. The old man’s opinion of the café can be understood by his actual presence there at two in the morning. He has even less than the waiter, as well as less to offer others. He is at the café until all hours of the night to escape loneliness and nothingness. He is there to at least be with other people and to get out of the darkness. The purpose that nothingness holds in the story is just as important as the purpose that cafe holds in it. While the younger waiter, having a job, wife, and “confidence”, feels like he has a purpose in life, the older waiter has nothing but his work. Throughout the story, the older waiter sees more of himself in the old man. He realizes that both of them are engulfed in the nothingness of everything. Hemingway is portraying an existentialist idea when the older waiter says, “I am reluctant to close up because there may be some one who needs the café” (277). The older waiter is talking about the existentialist idea that meaning is ethereal and that the purpose of things is subjective, having whatever meaning the individual chooses to give it. The older waiter cares about the old man, while the younger waiter wants to shut him out and even wishes he was dead. As the older waiter walks to a bodega after he closes up the café, he recites the Lord’s Prayer, replacing all of the words of “meaning” with “nada”. This further depicts his existentialist viewpoint of subjective purpose. “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place” is ultimately an exploration of the meaning of life. The younger waiter shows us the naïveté of young people and their opinions of meaning. He has hopes and a purpose. He has a wife and a house to go home to. He sees the old man and is disgusted by him. The older waiter has begun to see the nothingness that is everything. He feels sympathy for the old man because he is beginning to feel what he feels. The older waiter has trouble sleeping at night because he fears his end and he fears life itself, because he knows that he will ultimately descend into the same person as the old man. The version of the Lord’s Prayer that the older waiter recites as he leaves the café shows his loss of faith even in essential meaning. The old man shows us the end of a life that’s later half was consumed by nothingness and alcoholism. Perhaps the fact that the old man is deaf plays a part in the story as well. It could represent him being even further removed from the world than either of the waiters. He is the end product of a life of nihilism, meaning that he is devoid of any implication at all and sees no purpose in or specific result of anything. The only thing the old man cares about is to be able to escape from the dark night. He doesn’t want to be alone because he knows that if he is, he will swallow himself whole. Quite possibly the three characters are actually one person, split apart into different stages of one person’s life. Hemingway keeps this to himself though, perhaps to further strengthen the existentialistic and nihilistic element of the story. The two waiters and the old man show the development of the opinion of life and its ultimate purpose and value throughout one’s life. With “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place” Hemingway truly crafts a disturbing look into the winter years of life, and perhaps it is Hemingway's own terror of old age and frailty that he is trying to communicate to the reader.
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