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women only like me for my mind [Jun. 8th, 2009|11:24 am]
[Current Music |65daysofstatic - Install a Beak in the Heart That Clucks Time in Arabic]

Hmm....random things happen. People die everyday in their living rooms for instance. Also...some women have like 8 abortions, shouldn't there be a cut off point, like at the bar?
Anyways, Andrew Peterson is moving on Thursday. He's going to Colorado for two years. He says he needs the change, plus he got a scholarship and federal aid to go to school out there. He'll live with his dad. I'm glad he's getting out of here and pursuing something positive. It's also really random that he quit smoking weed...
Sabrina has a really good chance of getting a job in the shoe department at Marshalls. I'm glad I could help her. Della, one of the assistant managers and the one that presides over the shoe, accessories, and home & gifts departments really needs more help seeing as it's now really only Simon working in the shoes. I got Brett a job in that department and gave him a recommendation and everything and he ended up just failing to even show up for days on end. What an ass, he made me look bad.
I'm going to start my English 205 summer class on the 16th...
That's about it. Bike ride today! : ]
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Stop Making Sense [May. 19th, 2009|08:43 am]
is such a good live concert/film weird thing from Talking Heads...its fucking sickk!
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Uhhhh [May. 13th, 2009|08:03 pm]
[Current Music |Notorious B.I.G. - Miss U]

So... finals are next week. I'm prepared though. I'm really excited for the summer. I have a good 25 hours at Marshalls and I'm taking English 205. I'm stoked about seeing high school buddies though. I've been having a lot of fun recently...I've become really really good friends with Ricky for some reason. We go to the gym together and work out now, it's really positive feeling. Shane is in juvi. He fucked up the terms of his probation and he's gonna be locked up for a little while and he has to go to rehab. I'm going to try my hardest to stay sober to help him stay sober because if he fucks up again he's done. I also have a girlfriend. It's a casual relationship...she makes me feel happy when I'm with her though. I'm glad that things have been working out and that I've been keeping positive and such. Summer time hoe!
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break [Jan. 13th, 2009|09:24 am]
[Current Music |Dr. Dre - The Message (Feat. Mary J. Blige, Rell & Tommy Chong)]

Winter break has been really really awesome...and I still have more time left! It's kind of too much, but it's cool I guess. Christmas was okay this year, but I liked it more last year. I'm so glad I got to see everyone this break. Especially Sabrina...which was kind of hard for me...but it's okay. I miss you Sabrina...still...
Recently 2001 from Dr. Dre started to really grow on me for no reason. I guess I never really payed attention to it before, but it's really fucking awesome. I think the skit "Ed-Ucation" is really funny, especially when he says "What ever happened to falling in love with a nigga with a bus pass!? Just cause you loved him?" The last track, "The Message" is really really sick and is probably one of my all time favorite "Last Tracks" now.

One kinda shitty thing that's happened recently is that Marshalls cut my hours in half and I'm going to have to start looking for a new job basically. It's bad because I liked that job, but it's good cause I can probably find a higher paying job. I'm not really sure where to start though. Elizabeth told me that her friend Paul Melby had a job for 1-800-JUNK where he just moved junk from people's houses to junkyards and landfills and made 10 dollars an hour. That sounds pretty easy. I'm not too sure though.

One thing I want to do more this year is play music. I want to really really try to create something with other people. I hope that that works out.

"Disconnected from the streets forever. As long as I got a baretta, nigga, I'm down for whateva. I roll wit my shit off safety...Like Dub-C I'm rich rollin, pistol holdin. Pockets swoll nigga, that's how I'm rollin. Put the flame to the killer nigga. Worldwide homicide mob figure in the buildin, for real."
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Evermore [Nov. 12th, 2008|01:41 pm]
[Current Music |Gene - Your Love, it Lies]

Everything in San Diego is really...really boring. We always end up doing the same stuff on weekends, like getting drunk and roaming the streets. It's kinda a drag, but I know it is a period of transition. 
I have started to develop a crush on my friend...I have mixed feelings about telling her though. I really want to, yet I feel like I can't. I'm eventually going to though, no matter what the consequence. I need to get it off of my chest.
I feel kind of like I have less to talk about or say in general everyday. There is just not that much to talk about anymore. Ryan burned me a mix entitled "Shat Pop-Punk Mix of the Century" and it's pretty fucking funny and ridiculous. Everyone sort of kicked their heroin and coke habits and are just stoners now, which is cool I guess. I have smoked about once a week for the past month now and it's pretty chill actually. I barely need anything to get ripped.
So, that's truly all there is to say. : ]
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Well [Oct. 30th, 2008|03:33 pm]
[Current Music |This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)]

I haven't posted in a while. I don't know why, but I guess I just haven't got around to it. I made a really awesome playlist so that hopefully when the next "Coup de' tat" come around I can win again and be on the Big Sonic Chill! Hopefully...I wonder if they even let someone go on more than once...who knows? They wouldn't be able to resist this playlist:

1. The Drowners - Suede
2. You Make Me Feel Like a Whore - Everclear
3. I Am the Resurrection - The Stone Roses
4. Your Love, it Lies - Gene
5. Girl Afraid - The Smiths
6. Million - Jawbreaker
7. Purest Values - Paris Angels
8. You Take My Breath Away - The Knife
9. 59, Lyndhurst Grove - Pulp
10. This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) - Talking Heads

Bllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh
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Quantum [Oct. 16th, 2008|02:27 pm]
Yesterday I was talking to Shane about Quantum Physics randomly and we talked about this really crazy shit. I went home and watched lecture from this dude on youtube and it was mind boggling. He was showing us what the shadow of a four dimensional cube looks like. It's impossible to imagine what that actually looks like since we can't actually understand fourth dimension because we've never seen it, but the shadow of it looks like a cube within a cube with the vertices connected at right angles. He also showed this experiment called the "double-slit experiment" where he shot marbles through a metal screen with a slit in it and it makes a line of indentation on a back wall behind the screen, which is pretty obvious. Then he does it with a screen with two slits and it makes two lines of indentation, which again is obvious. He also puts the screen in water and makes artificial waves go at it. From the slit emerges a new wave which cover the length of the back wall, no suprise here also. He then does it with a double-slitted screen and the waves interconnected and hit the back wall in about 8 or 10 places, which makes sense to people who know physics. He then fires electrodes thorugh a screen with one slit and they hit the wall in one line, obvious right? He does it with two slits and they makes the pattern a wave does with two slits. Again, physicists know the electrodes can act as waves, but the math makes no sense here. It seems as though the electrodes ae splitting in half and coming back together again or going through both slits at once, which defies the laws of physics. They put a measuring device next to the slits to see what was happening. Srangely, the electrodes only made to lines on the back wall! Instead of acting as waves! They actually changed their behavior just because they were being measured. That is kind of freaky. What the fuck. Quantum physics is so intese.
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My essay on Medea by Euripides [Oct. 16th, 2008|02:19 pm]
[Current Music |She's in Fashion - Suede]

 

Deliverance

The play “Medea” by Euripides portrays the tragic relationship between Medea of Colchis and Jason of Iolcus. Throughout the course of the play Medea and Jason have three confrontations. The first shows the dichotomy that has developed between the two because of Jason’s betrayal of their love. The second shows Medea’s deception of Jason: apparently accepting of his decision to take Creon’s daughter as a bride. The third depicts Jason’s hatred for Medea and her unremorseful attitude about the fate of their children and her actions. Medea is ultimately inescapably destroyed by her pride and unreasonable or even obsessive love for Jason.

The first confrontation between Medea and Jason is foreshadowed by Medea’s words of anguish concerning her forsaken love that she had for Jason and the Chorus of Corinthian women’s responses to her. Jason shows his callousness right away by beginning his conversation with Medea by saying, “This is not the first occasion I have noticed how hopeless it is to deal with a stubborn temper” (15). He speaks to her as if he is justified, not seeing that his actions are at all hurtful, but rather helpful and worthy of Medea’s praise. Medea neither finds his words helpful nor his actions justified, best exemplified by when she says to him, “Faith in your word has gone. Indeed, I cannot tell whether you think the gods whose names you swore by then have ceased to rule and that new standards are set up, since you must know you have broken your word to me” (16). She even goes on to further demonstrate her hatred for him by saying, “Why is there no mark engraved upon men’s bodies, by which we could know the true ones from the false ones?” (17). Jason goes on to give Medea three reasons for his decision to take a new bride: “…That we might live well, and not be short of anything…Also that I might bring my children up worthily of my position, and, by producing more of them to be brothers of yours, we would draw the families together and all be happy” (18). Whether or not Jason’s motives may have been honorable, Medea finds nothing but hatred in her heart for him. As their conversation goes on, Medea does not relent in her position that Jason betrayed her and ends their confrontation by telling him that he will “make the kind of marriage that you will regret” (20).

When Medea speaks with Jason again, she repents for her previous behavior and she tells him how she has changed. These remorseful words are but ashes. She is playing a part, acting, deceiving. She is getting Jason right where she wants him in order for her final revenge to cut the deepest wound. One good example of Medea’s ruse is when she says, “I think that you are wise in having this other wife as well as me, and I was mad. I should have helped you in these plans of yours, have joined in the wedding, stood by the marriage bed, have taken pleasure in attendance on your bride” (28). Jason believes her saying, “I approve of what you say. And I cannot blame you even for what you said before” (29). Medea uses Jason with the intention of doing two terrible acts. She plans not only to murder Jason’s bride with poisonous gifts, but to also take the lives of their own children. She is overwhelmed by obsession to the point that what was once fanatical love is now neurotic revenge. Her passion has blinded her.

Preceding Jason and Medea’s third and final confrontation, Jason arrives at Medea’s house to find the Chorus of Corinthian women. He came in haste to make sure of his children’s safety, but when he gets there he learns of their murder: “What! That is it? O woman, you have destroyed me!” (42). Medea finally got the revenge she wanted, but at a terrible price. She has to bear the burden of knowing that she took her own children’s lives. Nothing can ever change that, not even the “holy feast and sacrifice each year for ever to atone for the blood guilt” that she speaks of (45). Medea’s madness drove her to mad ends and her actions destroyed what little she had left of the human in her. Jason knows this, yet Medea denies it hotly, as seen in the passage:

                        JASON: You feel the pain yourself. You share in my sorrow.

                        MEDEA: Yes, and my grief is gain when you cannot mock it.

                        JASON: Oh children, what a wicked mother she was to you! (44)

Medea’s pride blinds her as does her passion. She is too proud to see that her decisions were appalling and that although Jason made a mistake, he never deserved what she did to him. To kill an innocent child is to kill one’s soul. Innocent blood spilt in the name of revenge is beyond reason, beyond rational. It is complete insanity.

            Euripides’ “Medea” is a disturbing look into the power of obsession and the danger of excess. Medea, driven by her pride and ardor, vows to mar Jason in the same vain as he to her. Jason is naïve and not fully conscious of the consequences of his actions, while Medea is aware and has malice of forethought. She believes to be justified through Jason’s wrongs against her, maybe even because she is only partially mortal. Seeking revenge on Jason feverously, she sends poisoned gifts to his new bride. They burn away her flesh and the flesh of her father when he attempts to save her. The murderess of her very own children, Medea is woman blinded by Jason’s scorn. Through the terrible act of taking her children’s lives, Medea successfully completes her goal of destroying Jason and reducing him to a frame of a man. She however, pays a large price for her actions. The play does not depict this, but one can infer almost intuitively that she will forever be burdened with her terrible action. She will always have that disturbing crime on her heart and she will always be empty. Euripides truly shows the power of obsession and pride through Medea’s actions and the consequences they bring through Jason’s response. “And so it happens in this story” (47).

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slowwwwwwdive [Oct. 13th, 2008|12:55 pm]
[Current Music |Arctic Monkeys - A Certain Romance]

The days go by so slow here. It's a bit monotonous, but oh well. On Friday night I met up with Ryan and Marcy park and he cheifed for the first time in a month and got ridiculously blazed. I drank a 40 and a half and took three somas and I have to say...probably not gonna do that again. I was so fucked up I couldn't walk straight and was speaking in monotone for two and a half hours. That was definantely the high point of the weekend seeing as no much else really ended up going down. I did homework on Saturday night for the first time in like...two or three years and it was kinda epic in a way. Me and David went to Elizabeth's house on Saturday night and watched her get really crossfaded and sing to A.F.I. She turned 25 last week. Weird. She said that your 20's go a lot slower than your teenage years and that 24 seemed like a decade to her.
I got an A- on my Ernest Hemmingway essay and I'm currently writing another on the play "Medea" by Euripedes. Since the essay is only required to be four pages long, professor Gregg said we could focus on certain aspects, interactions, or scenes instead of the entire play. I'm writing on the three confrontations between Medea and Jason and how the outcomes of them ultimately destroy Medea. It's and assertion I made, not something that is actually in the play and I think it'll make my professor happy. "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not" from Arctic Monkeys is such a fucking good album. It's hard to believe that four 18-year-olds made that album...especially since it was their debut. I'm probably gonna end up finishing my essay and studying for two exams I have later this week tonight, but maybe I'll finish in time to hit someone up, who knows?  :3
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! [Oct. 1st, 2008|12:38 pm]
[Current Music |Public Enemy - Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos]

I'm turning 19 tomorrow. Wow...19 years goes by kinda quickly...it was pretty fucking g-nar. That's all I can say. Last year of being a teenager, as Sabrina said. Kinda interesting actually. It's going to be a good year I think.
So Ryan basically told his parents everything. They got pissed, well mainly his mom, his dad didn't really care too much. He did it to come clean, feel like he wasn't lying all the time, and so that he can have a few months break. I don't know if telling his mom was the best idea, but he did, so that's the way it is.
I finished revising my essay on "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place" by Ernest Hemingway which I will post in this entry. I'm really happy about it actually. It's a great story and I think I have a really good essay here. I got a B on my second math test which made sense since I didn't really keep up with the homework too well. I didn't have sociology class yesterday because Professor Adelson is Jewish and it was Roshana, which is the Jewish new year, if you didn't know.
Lately I've been listening to a lot of Public Enemy and shoegaze. Public Enemy's album "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back" is really, really good. It's one of my favorite rap/hip hop albums now. Taylor Parker jacked a Bone Thugs Greatest Hits album out of someone's car at the square, gave it to Ryan, who gave it to me. It's kinda awesome. The song "Foe the Love of $" is ridiculous and Eazy-E's verse is so fucking g. There is a song on the second cd entitled "Home" on which Bone Thugs collaberates with Phil Collins. That's right, Phil fucking GENESIS Collins. What the...fuck! It's the weirdest shit ever. Phil sings the verses in his Disney-ass-shit voice. Hilarious.
But, that's basically everything that's happened recently. Here's my final essay:


Nothing

 

            In Ernest Hemingway’s short story “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place”, Hemingway depicts the contrasting perspectives of two waiters, one younger and one older. With little exposition, other than that the story takes place in a café in Spain, we as readers are placed into almost what seems to be the middle of a scene. Hemingway uses three characters; the younger waiter, the older waiter, and the old man at the café, to evaluate one another and show the differing opinions about life that come with age and experience.

            Hemingway uses the waiters to judge the old man. The young waiter attacks the old man saying, “An old man is a nasty thing”, while the older waiter defends him saying, “Not always. This old man is clean. He drinks without spilling. Even now, drunk. Look at him” (275). When the old man leaves the bar, being turned down after asking for another drink (Likely by the young waiter), he was “walking unsteadily, but with dignity” (274). This portrays Hemingway’s feelings about drinking, more specifically that one can be a drunk and still retain one’s dignity. The old man exemplifies this by drinking without spilling, respecting the waiter’s wishes for him to leave, leaving a tip, and walking steadily and upright down the street on his way home. The older waiter can sympathize with the old man knowing that he will be him someday, while the younger waiter is ignorant and overly-confident and wishes that he would “have killed himself last week” (274).

            Some believe that confidence is an illusion of youth. This was probably a belief that Hemingway held and is illustrated when the young waiter states, “I have confidence. I am all confidence”, to which the older waiter replies, “I have never had confidence and I am not young” (276). This part of their conversation begins with the older waiter making a joke about the younger waiter’s wife: “And you? You have no fear of going home before the usual hour?” to which the younger waiter becomes defensive and replies, “Are you trying to insult me?” (276). The older waiter assures him that he was only joking. This conversation shows that the younger waiter doesn’t really have confidence and that the older waiter knows this. That is why he says that he never had any and that he is not young. The significance of saying that he is not young is that it validates Hemingway’s assertion that youth creates an illusion of confidence.

            The café plays perhaps the most important role in the story. To the three characters, the café holds a different meaning and purpose in their lives. The younger waiter takes the café for granted, not fully understanding the purpose it plays in society or the feelings of the other two characters about it. In his conversation with the older waiter, he says,  “Hombre, there are bodegas open all night long”, in reply to the older waiter speaking of his want to keep the café open later for all the people who need it (277). The narrator comments, “He disliked bars and bodegas. A clean, well-lighted café was a very different thing. (278)” This demonstrates that the older waiter’s opinion about the café. The café is all he has. It is a place of refuge for him. A place where he can spend his time productively and give others what little he has to offer. He knows that drinking by yourself at home is too depressing and if you are out at a café all night you succeed in escaping the loneliness and nothingness that is all around you. The old man’s opinion of the café can be understood by his actual presence there at two in the morning. He has even less than the waiter, as well as less to offer others. He is at the café until all hours of the night to escape loneliness and nothingness. He is there to at least be with other people and to get out of the darkness.

            The purpose that nothingness holds in the story is just as important as the purpose that cafe holds in it. While the younger waiter, having a job, wife, and “confidence”, feels like he has a purpose in life, the older waiter has nothing but his work. Throughout the story, the older waiter sees more of himself in the old man. He realizes that both of them are engulfed in the nothingness of everything. Hemingway is portraying an existentialist idea when the older waiter says, “I am reluctant to close up because there may be some one who needs the café” (277). The older waiter is talking about the existentialist idea that meaning is ethereal and that the purpose of things is subjective, having whatever meaning the individual chooses to give it. The older waiter cares about the old man, while the younger waiter wants to shut him out and even wishes he was dead. As the older waiter walks to a bodega after he closes up the café, he recites the Lord’s Prayer, replacing all of the words of “meaning” with “nada”. This further depicts his existentialist viewpoint of subjective purpose.

            “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place” is ultimately an exploration of the meaning of life. The younger waiter shows us the naïveté of young people and their opinions of meaning. He has hopes and a purpose. He has a wife and a house to go home to. He sees the old man and is disgusted by him. The older waiter has begun to see the nothingness that is everything. He feels sympathy for the old man because he is beginning to feel what he feels. The older waiter has trouble sleeping at night because he fears his end and he fears life itself, because he knows that he will ultimately descend into the same person as the old man. The version of the Lord’s Prayer that the older waiter recites as he leaves the café shows his loss of faith even in essential meaning. The old man shows us the end of a life that’s later half was consumed by nothingness and alcoholism. Perhaps the fact that the old man is deaf plays a part in the story as well. It could represent him being even further removed from the world than either of the waiters.  He is the end product of a life of nihilism, meaning that he is devoid of any implication at all and sees no purpose in or specific result of anything. The only thing the old man cares about is to be able to escape from the dark night. He doesn’t want to be alone because he knows that if he is, he will swallow himself whole.

            Quite possibly the three characters are actually one person, split apart into different stages of one person’s life. Hemingway keeps this to himself though, perhaps to further strengthen the existentialistic and nihilistic element of the story. The two waiters and the old man show the development of the opinion of life and its ultimate purpose and value throughout one’s life. With “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place” Hemingway truly crafts a disturbing look into the winter years of life, and perhaps it is Hemingway's own terror of old age and frailty that he is trying to communicate to the reader.



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"Speedway" (From 'Introducing Morrissey') [Sep. 25th, 2008|07:52 am]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l65dmfEasyA

Fucking awesome video of the Mozzer.
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Tired of not having a deal [Sep. 24th, 2008|09:52 pm]
[Current Music |Everything but the Girl - Another Bridge]

So not much has been going on lately. I got an A on my geography test! Tomorrow I have a sociology quiz, but I have no english class which is cool. Ryan's car randomly broke down today. It sounded like there was dirt in the motor when he tried to start it...it was like a sound of gravel being ground or something. Weird. Kinda sucks.
I'm going to eat at the City Delicatessen with Kathleen on Saturday. She's never been there. Should be cool. I'm probably gonna fade it up this Friday. But, yeah...that's pretty much it.
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Sic Transitus Gloria [Sep. 18th, 2008|05:40 pm]
[Current Music |Everclear - You Make Me Feel Like a Whore]

The past few days have been alright. I feel better, that's for sure. I'm drinking some Tazo green tea right now. I made a playlist the other day and I think I'm going to keep it as one of my permanent mixes.

The tracks include:

1) "Sherry Fraser" by Marcy Playground
2) "Ache" by Jawbreaker
3) "For You" by Electronic
4) "Lonesome Tonight" by New Order
5) "Perfect" by Smashing Pumpkins
6) "Life is Pain" by Leftöver Crack
7) "Kiss the Bottle" by Jawbreaker
8) "You Make Me Feel Like a Whore" by Everclear
9) "Cocaine Blues" by Johnny Cash
10) "One More Time" by The Cure
11) "Hearts Frozen Solid, Thawed Once More By The Spring Of Rage, Despair, And Hopelessness " by A.F.I.
12) "Olive Oil" by Happy Mondays
13) "Million" by Jawbreaker
14) "Shadowplay" by Joy Division
15) "Sub-Culture" by New Order
16) "Terms of Psychic Warfare" by Hüsker Dü
17) "(White Man) In Hammersmith Palais" by The Clash
18) "Carry On" by Common Rider
19) "Happiness is a Warm Gun" by The Breeders

I've basically just been at school and work. I hung out with Ryan a couple times this week and we both agreed on our high level of boredom. Other than that I've basically just been floating along, doing my work, and thinking. I kind of have writer's block on a short story I was working on. It's set in the 1920's and is about a boy who discovers that the water at the bottom of his well seperates two worlds. The other world is sort of a parallel universe.
I randomly ran into Trey yesterday at Marshalls. It was random. I also saw Mitchell Campos and Alex (the girl who was Ryan's friend from high school) on the bus home today. Mitchell was wearing a Rock Band 2 shirt. Wow...he said it's awesome though, mostly because the new version has Motorhead and more "hardcore metal" songs on it.
And Easton, I ran into your mom outside Jamba Juice...it was weird.
Smiling, Sabrina.
: ]
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"Ache" by Jawbreaker / B@K3D T@L35 [Sep. 14th, 2008|09:37 am]
[Current Music |Jawbreaker - Ache]

This is one of my new favorite songs. Blake Schwarzenbach is really awesome.  Such a good song...

I believe in desperate acts.
The kind that make me look stupid.
(Look like a fool)
Just keep reinventing myself.
It's move or die.
(I change my form)
These days the people I love
are spread so far apart.
(All out of reach)
It's a thin sheet
Across the face.
(Cover me now)

That's pretty old.
I never felt like this before.
I say that every hour.

It's never going to be like it could have been.
Now it's just this room.
(Window looks back)
You're a big part of it.
But I don't care.
(You take the lead)
And can you really see me now
Like I made me?
(Made me anew)
Just like anyone at all.
Safer alone.

So right, so wrong.
Another winter's coming on.
You win, you lose.
It's the same old news.
(These things go wrong so often)
Pick up the phone
and punch your home code.
Somewhere, sometime let me make you mine.

Lean your head on mine
Like you used to.
(Used to your lean)
I don't mind if you're faking it.
(Make it seem real)
I'm not asking the questions.
I'm not demanding the answers now.
(Take what you give)
Right or wrong, just take me,
lead me on.
I'm goin


I found the story I wrote again, so I'm going to type it out here. I don't really care what anyone says...I still think this is a pretty sick story and that it is written nicely.

I was out on a walk one day and I came across a hippopotamus. I arsked his name and he replied "Benjamin, dearie". I took him by the arm and off we went.
A fleeting glance left me with a wondrous impression. He was burly, with a shiny handcuff and two left shoes. I was a normally shy chap and could not bring myself to say much of anything. I just stared into his transcendent eyez and walked through my daydream of a life.
As we were strolling along, we passed the fountain of youth. Yawn! "Life is defined as a series of memories, you know," he says to me. "I do realize. Quite, quite."
A lavender bush came into view on our right side. I nudged him and suggested we take a look. The frayed leaves of this poor creature were droopy and in need of love. Past it, I noticed a shadowy tunnel that could have been anything. Being an adventurer, I strode in.
It was the normal fare, what you'd see on the movies. A dark bowel of this thing we call Earth. At the distant end of the crevice, there was a green bulb of light. Ben and I exited the other side, and what we saw, could not have been scripted onto paper. It was what I've always been waiting for, a child's infinite dream. Everything was what it wasn't, polar opposites of everything were engulfing the land.
Snakes and darts and elephant farts. Scattered all around the place. It was a mercurial kind of place, always morphing into different patterns and octopi.
To be in the land of solitude, that's all I wanted. I didn't know how long all of this would last, but I didn't want to think about that. Almost as if I were lucid-dreaming and didn't want to wake up.
There were pathways to every which side, and I just couldn't decide which to take. "Decisions, decisions," says I. "I know, quite dreadful, isn't it?"
Let me tell you a little bit about the normal life. It's a way in which everyone is entertaining themselves before they die, tired and alone. Break-ups, deaths, disasters that would make dogs froth.
The job I'd left behind was as a laboratory assistant. The work itself wasn't so bad but the people were bigots and dolts. Sheep, they were, only seeing one side to everything and naturally, everybody else was wrong.
All the more why this endeavor was so fantastic. I was a man of introspection, of solitude and aloneness. I was never bored; I could stare at leaves for an hour and always find fresh ridges and crests. Now that I was in this world, there would be no qualms about having something to do.
Rows of molasses trees on both sides. Snakes with legs on tricycles. Blueberry tarts as flying carpets. Was there no end?
All the while, geometric patterns opened up in the sky and fractals engaged themselves on the ground. The illusions made you feel like you were going insane, flying through space, or both.
So...perhaps that was all just a dream, or a single moment. One may never know. Appearing back in the present, with conventional reality at our sides, Benjamin cried, "What a frivolous fatale!"
And so it was.
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Uhh [Sep. 13th, 2008|10:17 pm]
[Current Music |Modest Mouse - Ionizes & Atomizes]

Today was weird...I went to David's house and hung out at Marcy for a while. I got out to, and sat on, that long branch of that tree I was always too scared to go out to. I picked all the bark off of the part of the branch I was near. Now my fingers kinda hurt. Man...quite a long day. I also saw "Burn After Reading" from the Coen brothers. It was fucking crazy! All the shit that happened was so ridiculous and it was weird that in the end everything revolved around the women wanting surgery. Such a mindfuck...seriously. John Malkovich's character was really awesome though, maybe not the character himself, but the was Malkovich acted the part was really good.
My head kinda hurts...I'm going to drink some water and shower. Then I might go to bed...but I don't know...maybe I'll read. Maybe one of the reasons I think so much is because right before I go to bed I always read Oscar Wilde...and other perhaps...over-stimulating(?) things.
Well...I trust I can figure out what to do with myself. G-nite. : ]
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(e)piphany [Sep. 12th, 2008|11:21 pm]
[Current Music |Eminem - If I Had]

I had an epiphany tonight. I was at Ryan's house with Lauren, Ryan, Ricky, Shane, Cody, and Brice and Ryan's parents were out of town. Me and Ryan played a one on one shitty game of beer pong. I had a lot of fun though. I felt lively. I realized how much I'm not alone. I feel a whole lot better. I always realized a lot of things about some important relationships I have. I'm going to download music from Frank Sinatra now.
My love goes out to you Sabrina and Easton. : ]
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Nothing [Sep. 10th, 2008|09:07 pm]
[Current Music |Pulp - 59, Lyndhurst Grove]

Hello. It's been a little while since I've updated. I've recently been having a bit of a hard time. I miss a lot of people and I feel alone. It's not that easy to connect with people in my classes because most of them are older, but I've met a few people that are alright. My job at Marshalls is going well. I actually got a call from the Superior Court system of San Diego today about my application as a clerk. I told them I already got a job, but they wanted to hire me, which is cool anyways. I hung out with Ryan and David today which was fun. We went to Dave's house and we watched Teef and Dave play this crazy combat game online and Teef got like 78 kills! It was pretty intense. He has a job at Staples as a Tech Support guy and makes 17 dollars an hour he said. That's pretty sick if you ask me.
I miss Sabrina a lot. Sabrina...you already know though...alas, I guess that's the way things go. I'm saving a lot of gas using my bus pas. A tank of gas lasts me a month now! I wrote an essay for my English class about the short story, "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place" by Ernest Hemmingway. I'm going to copy it into this post so people can read it. I titled my essay "Nothing". Other than that, not much has been going on. Oh! Substance from New Order is a really, really good compilation. The song, "Lonesome Tonight" is amazing. I've also been listening to a lot of Jawbreaker recently. I wrote two really good (At least in my opinion) songs. They have pretty complex chord structures, the first having a total of sixteen chords and one riff, and the second having a total of ten chords, two riffs, and a chorus that interchanges a riff with chords pretty quickly.
Well, that's all...talk to you later.

"Nothing"

           In Ernest Hemmingway’s short story, “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place”, Hemmingway depicts the contrasting perspectives of two waiters, one younger, and one older. With little exposition, other than that the story takes place in a café in Spain, we as readers are placed into almost what seems to be the middle of a scene. Hemmingway uses three characters, the younger waiter, the older waiter, and the old man at the café to show the difference in opinion about life an alcoholism that comes with age and experience. Quite possibly the three characters are actually one person, split apart into different stages of one person’s life.

            Hemmingway uses the waiters to judge the old man. The young waiter attacks the old man saying, “An old man is a nasty thing”, while the older waiter defends him saying, “Not always. This old man is clean. He drinks without spilling. Even now, drunk. Look at him” (275). When the old man leaves the bar, being turned down after asking for another drink (Likely by the young waiter), he was “walking unsteadily, but with dignity” (274). This portrays Hemmingway’s feelings about drinking; more specifically that one can be a drunk and still retain their dignity. The older waiter can sympathize with the old man knowing that he will be him someday, while the younger waiter is ignorant and overly-confident and wishes that he would “…have killed himself last week” (274).

            Some believe that confidence is an illusion of youth. This was probably a belief that Hemmingway held and is illustrated when the young waiter states, “I have confidence. I am all confidence”, to which the older waiter replies “I have never had confidence and I am not young” (276). This part of their conversation begins with the older waiter making a joke about the younger waiter’s wife which sets the younger waiter off. The older waiter assures him that he was only joking. This conversation shows that the younger waiter doesn’t really have confidence and that the older waiter knows this. That is why he says that he never had any and that he is not young. The significance of saying that he is not young is that it shows that youth creates an illusion of confidence.

            The story also depicts the progression of alcoholism. The three characters serve to represent the different stages. Representing the younger years of an alcoholic (Maybe one who is not yet an alcoholic), the younger waiter says,  “Hombre, there are bodegas open all night long”, in reply to the older waiter speaking of his want to keep the café open later for all the people who need it (277). The narrator comments, “He disliked bars and bodegas. A clean, well-lighted café was a very different thing. (278)” This signifies that the older waiter is more experienced than the young waiter. He is a symbol of the later years of alcoholism. He knows that drinking by yourself at home is too depressing and if you are out at a café all night you succeed in escaping the loneliness and nothingness that is all around you. The old man represents the result of alcoholism. He is at the café until all hours of the night to escape loneliness and nothingness. He is there to at least be with other people and to get out of the darkness.

            The purpose that nothingness holds in the story is just as important as the purpose that alcoholism holds in it. While the younger waiter, having a job, wife, and “confidence”, feels like he has a purpose in life, the older waiter has nothing but his work. Throughout the story, the older waiter sees more of himself in the old man. He realizes that both of them are engulfed in the nothingness of everything. Hemmingway is portraying an existentialist idea when the older waiter says, “I am reluctant to close up because there may be some one who needs the café” (277). The older waiter is talking about the existentialist idea that the universe is not a personal one, and that the only thing that can possibly have meaning is the individual. The older waiter cares about the old man, while the younger waiter wants to shut him out and even wishes he was dead.

            “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place” is an exploration of the meaning of life, and an alternative to life, alcoholism. The younger waiter shows us the naivety of young people and there opinions of meaning. He has hopes and a purpose. He has a wife and a house to go home to. He sees the old man and is disgusted by him. The older waiter has begun to see the nothingness that is everything. He feels sympathy for the old man because he is beginning to feel what he feels. The older waiter has trouble sleeping at night because he fears his end and he fears life itself, because he knows that he will ultimately descend into the same person as the old man. The version of the Lord’s Prayer that the older waiter recites as he leaves the café shows his loss of faith even in religion. The old man shows us the end of a life consumed by nothingness and alcoholism. Perhaps the fact that the old man is deaf plays a part in the story as well. It could represent him being even further removed from the world than either of the waiters.  He is the end product of a life of nihilism. The only thing the old man cares about is to be able to escape from the dark night. He doesn’t want to be alone because he knows that if he is, he will swallow himself whole.


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give me a chance [Sep. 4th, 2008|01:52 pm]
[Current Music |Electronic - For You]

The past few days have been pretty busy. I've been at school and work mostly. I really enjoy my job at Marshalls a lot. The clientele is really nice and my co-workers and managers are all really nice too. I'm going to be writing a paper on Hemmingway's "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place" for my english class that should be interesting.
Today I visited UC during their lunch time and talked to Ricky, Shane, David, Lena, and Jake G, as well as Kathleen, Kelsey, Alex B., and Austen. It's kind of sad that our friend group is now basically reduced to Ricky, Shane, David, Lena, and Jake. They still sit under that tree in the parking lot haha. Jake said that Taylor Parker dropped out of school. Didn't really expect anything else from him...
Professor Adelson, my sociology professor, has to attend a meeting today because someone reported him for sexual harassment because he made fun of someone's name. Kind of shitty, but I think he'll be able to get out of it.
So, that's basically all I've been up to since my last update.
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Electronic [Sep. 1st, 2008|09:04 am]
Electronic is probably my favorite super group of all time. Bernard Sumner and Johnny Marr's collaberation is really good. Their first album, Electronic, from 1991 sounds more like New Order while Raise the Pressure, from 1996, sounds more like The Smiths. Their latest album, 1999's Twisted Tenderness, is more of a dance infused guitar rock album. Nei Tennant of Pet Shop Boys partnered with them on three tracks, two of their first album as well as their highest charting single "Disappointed." Karl Bartos of Kraftwerk collaberated on nine tracks with them on their second album. For their last album they teamed up with Black Grape drummer Jed Lynch and Doves bassist Jimi Goodwin. All of their albums were top ten albums in the UK but did not even break the top one hundred in the US. I hope they come out with another album...

Electronic                             

Raise the Pressure               

Twisted Tenderness              

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Price check homesLice [Aug. 31st, 2008|08:03 pm]
[Current Music |Jawbreaker - Accident Prone]

So I worked at Marshalls from 11am - 7:30pm for my first day. It was awesome! I got two 15 minute breaks and one 45 minute lunch break. It was actually pretty fun. I started in customer service and around 2:30 I went to the cash register. My back kinda hurts now, but it was serioudly pretty cool. I really like using the overhead paging. "Price check on register 6". Yeah...So that was all I did today. Actually, that's not true. In the morning I downloaded two Aesop Rock albums, "Dear You" by Jawbreaker, "Two Nickles on a Dime" by Minutemen, "Repeater" by Fugazi, and all of Common Rider's discography. Minutemen are really really good. They are like funk influenced punk....but better than that description sounds. Check em' out. Late
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